Reflections From the Empty Nest

Reflections from the Empty Nest

I was only half asleep waiting for the phone to ring, but the harshness of its ringing in the dark was startling and I leapt to answer it before it could ring again.

“Hello. McConnell’s”

“We’re here. Finally.”

“That’s good. Any problems?”

“No, just tired. Do you realize we put almost 1300 miles on Carrie’s car?”

“I know it’s a long way. We’re glad you came.”

“What do you think of Carrie?”

“Well, she’s awfully young but we like her. Just don’t get too serious until she’s finished high school. Ok?”

“Try not to. Well, I’m pretty tired. Carrie slept most of the way home and I had to drive. Good night.”

“Good night. Thanks for calling.”

As I crawled back into bed, Norm roused slightly and mumbled, “Rick?”

“Yes, they’re home ok.”

“Good. ‘Night again.” He pulled the covers over his head and went back to sleep.

I lay listening to the quiet house. The clock in the living room chimed midnight and the cats softly purred from the foot of the bed. Rick’s was the last call to tell us that all four children had returned safely to their own places. This was the first time they’d all been home since Linda has started college. And, somewhat surprisingly, I’ve found myself enjoying the empty nest. That’s a statement I wouldn’t have made last year – one I wouldn’t have even considered five years ago. Oh, I prepared for the empty nest. I worked at keeping the marriage relationship a step above the maternal relationships. I took a new job when Linda was a senior. And, shortly before I took her off to college, I began an afghan for each of them which gave them all a good laugh – they don’t expect me to finish them for at least 10 years.

I enjoyed my children when they were little. I liked the hurry flurry when they were in elementary school, taking swimming lessons, on ball teams, in 4-H. I even enjoyed most of their junior high years and, as they assumed independence in high school, I found four delightful young adult friends.

I miss each of them in a special way but after this Thanksgiving vacation with all of them home again, I’ve discovered that they no longer fit in the nest. Oh, there is enough space. Their rooms are still here and intact (except that Nils and Linda have taken their beds with them). It’s their lifestyles that no longer mesh with ours. They all live in different time zones and it is only partially geographical.

Nils, the oldest, works for the Immigration service in Lincoln. The job doesn’t actually use his BA in English but it pays his bills and he seems happy. Going to work at 7:00 a.m. would be nearly impossible for any of the others but he seems to like his schedule,

Jody, in her junior year in college in Colorado, made arrangements to spend two weeks of her Christmas break as a teacher’s aide here. There’s no doubt that she’s going to be a teacher, however, she has managed to avoid 8:00 a.m. classes yet another semester.

Rick went to visit a friend in Kansas after he finished his National Guard training last summer and is still there. Carrie is definitely part of the reason. He has a new job as a motel night clerk working from 11:00 p.m. to 7:00 a.m. He has always liked staying up all night and sleeping all day.

And, Linda, on her first visit home since starting college in Omaha, began getting phone calls two days before she got home so we didn’t see much of her. It sounds like she’s majoring in social activity. Hopefully, she’s studying some books too.

I miss them. I miss Nils’s wit and Jody’s company. I miss Rick’s zest and Linda’s music. I don’t miss waiting up for each of them to get home. I don’t miss juggling meals to fit around as many schedules as possible. And, their teen years were nothing compared to this vacation. With their current schedules, some one was sleeping and someone was starving all the time. No, the chicks no longer fit in the nest. I see the wisdom of the mother eagle that dismantles her nest to encourage the chicks to fly off. I’ll delight in my children coming home to visit. I’ll prepare their favorite meals and wash their dirty clothes but I don’t think I want any of them to get too comfortable here.

Tonight, they each called to tell us that they had made it safely to their own places. Tomorrow night they will report only to themselves. I like that idea. Just as there are stages of childhood, there are stages of motherhood. I enjoyed the responsibilities of active parenting for 23 years. Now, I kind of like this empty nest. I know its schedule. It is quiet, peaceful, comfortable.